ahoy matey!

as it turns out, my galloping galapagos group was actually really great... and balanced. two people form the party, party, party group and an older couple from the let's join a tour group... and little me, right smack dab in the middle. we were a mere 5 people, plus our enthusiastic guide, made 6. our little robinson crusoe clan had an incredible time snorkeling, trekking, mountain biking, volcano climbing, chasing white tip sharks, avoiding scurrying iguanas, and kickin it with the GIANT TORTOISES!! (yes i'm in love w them) did i have to endure the third degree? of course, but it was worth it. the cast of characters goes as follows:

a couple of chic cops from germany, with the gun-toting swagger and all (yes i wandered the local streets at night feeling like i had my own personal body guards)... evelyn- who looked a bit like a butch raggedy ann but w brown mess of curls and a very funny sense of humor and her friend, monica, who we will call hicky-girl b/c the entire week we were together her neck looked as if she'd been attacked by a million leeches was quiet but somewhat lethal. they could both drink unlimited amounts of beers after dinner w a pack of cigarettes and be up in the early hours for our snorkel adventures.

chris and fieke made up the older dutch couple. chris was a very tall 6 foot 5 endlessly curious and super intelligent man. i ended up nicknaming him darwin b/c he was so knowledgeable of all things science and animals and asked as many questions as a 6-year-old in a natural museum. he is the single reason why any of the info retained in my head b/c after the guide's description, darwin would tack on another 15-minutes of natural selection knowledge coupled with questions about how and why as i reverted back to my 7th grade self-conscious self in science class feverishly taking notes in my head. and his wife, fieke, was the mum of the group. she stayed on the boat taking photos as we frolicked in the frigid waters with the sea lions and turtles, clapping and shouting "that's nice!" every 5.3 minutes or so. "oooh, very nice!" and when i was stone cold terrified of going back into the waters, she with her firm, pudgy, freckled hand ever so gently shoved me back in with a, "you will see very nice things. very nice." and with that, a more than encouraging push off the rocking boat. very nice.

and finally our guide. juan jr... or yunior (cause the j is pronounced like a 'y').. he was in his later 20's and looked as if he was closing in on 40. he'd lived on the islands for 15 years and loved it and loved being a guide even more. he had the quirky ability to make everything he said sound absolutely official and right. and when darwin would question him further, he would engage in the conversation, nodding occasionally, only to go back to his original statement, "es verdad. no doubt." which, by all that i gathered, meant that any behavioral qualities that the animals presented was for one reason and one reason only... it was mating season. i didn't ask too many questions, as darwin did enough of that for the entire group, but when i did peep in the occasional how come this? or why is that? yunior would get this very pensive but steady look on his face, like he'd been studying these creatures for centuries, and declare with a pause and a nod, 'it's how they attract... pause pause... their mate." or "they are about...pause pause.... to mate." or "they have to do in this order to....pause pause... mate." okay, mate, got it.

before i left for this trip i went out on a blind date. it was more out of curiosity than anything else. ok, that, and maybe boredom. anyhow, it was... nice. he was nice. the drink was nice. the conversation was... nice. but that evening, as my best friend and i debriefed the brief date, i couldn't help but feel that as much as it was, nice, it was still missing something.... the 'bite', i suppose. as we sailed around the islands and watched mother nature's male creatures whip out their ultimate sunday best in order to attract their female counterparts in the nightclub-esque islands, i found myself taking notes on all the tactics... here are some of my top favorites:

the blue-footed boobie: not unlike the dude in the nightclub with his fist pumping in the air to kanye west, the blue-footed boobie with it's delicately light blue feet will do a dance to attract their female counterparts. the better the dance, the more likely they'll get noticed as the female swooshes above in the clouds. something cool about a dude that can move with blue shoes and rock a name like boobie. charming and funny.

the fricket birds: "99 red balloons go by..." to set himself apart from the many other hum-drum fricket birds, the male frickets will perch on their branch and begin puffing up their chest and form this massive bright crimson balloon. the bigger the balloon, the bigger attraction they are. apparently, size does matter in bird colonies. and not only that, the frickets, with their red poofy armour will also serenade the circling females with a song, take them out for a 2 week date somewhere on a remote island, and then, if after 2 weeks, they are compatible, only then will they consummate the relationship. romantic and responsible.

the white tip sharks: they bite. they leave scars. they mate. it's that same story of 7-year-old boys pulling the hair of 7-year old girls to get their attention... but these guys do it with their machete sharp teeth. no bite missing here.

and finally, the marine iguana: will show you he can stick it out through thick and thin by climbing their way to the apex of a lava rock jetty, claw on for dear life and show the females that violent crashing wave after violent crashing wave, he can still hang on and still be on top. and if that isn't enough, he'll do it with a rainbow coat that can rival any joseph and the amazing technicolor dreamcoat out there. reliable and will stick it out.... and stylish on top of that too!

as a side note... the sea turtles mating game was a bit more... er... group friendly... and one that we witnessed first hand. the female turtle is basically surrounded by a circle of male sea turtles. then one by one, the males climb on. if a wave comes and knocks one off, not to worry, there are the back up dancers to help out. maybe that's less of an orgy and more gang-bang like, but i just couldn't think that of my little zen turtles. a healthy appetite for mating, let's just call it that.

so, with that... i say, grab your mate, pop in that barry white... and well, you know the rest....