sometimes i like to get mushy...

i'm back. for really reals BACK... on US soil... in the good 'ol garden state of new jersey. to be completely honest, i've been back for about a month now... letting the past few months sink in and live inside me without looking at it too deeply. just letting it swirl around and find a space inside my heart.

how was this trip different than india? has been the number one question. there is no comparison. each, in its own right, has been uniquely special. yet, as i turn the corner of 'backpacker travel mind' to 'back to home in NJ' mind... i leave you with a letter i started to write for my brother after our trek up to manchu piccu... it pretty much sums up this trip and why i love traveling. it's really mushy... consider yourself warned.

puper-

duuuuuuuuuuuude, we did it! you did it!! you roughed it dude, and you survived!! WHUUUUUUT!! i'm so proud of you. so very proud of you on so many levels. i'm already getting mush-bomb on you, but deal with it. we just had an amazing experience together. i'm allowed to be a mush. it was a spiritual one. a life-long, never forget the moment one. and to see that experience swimming in your eyes is pretty incredible. as much as you surprising me in india last year was a moment i will never forget, the moment of arriving at manchu piccu with you was a feeling i will never stop feeling...

after days of trekking, not being able to breathe, following your little bird, having 'club lam' tent party, baby wipes bath time, running in the mud & rain DOWNHILL... for 2 HOURS -- lord of the flies style!--, getting cliff woozies, and sharing meals under a tent, tucked into these enormous snow-capped mountains under the brilliant stars... i feel like i know you better now than ever before. you know my favorite photo game is to play... where's puper? in my old high school pictures. as my friends and i would hang out in the basement playing terrible versions of beatles songs, your little shaved head would always pop up randomly in the background, like a little puppet trying to find it's place in the world.

this week, i saw you taking your place in the world... and it was pretty spectacular. to watch as you took care of other people, the time and patience you put into helping others was by far the most fantastic gift i could receive. just to witness it. i mean, what are you?? like a real person now?? when did that happen? i suppose it's one of those things i will never really let go of... that you are my little brother (even though people think you're older-HAHA) and we always do random, crazy stuff together. but this time, this trip, opened up my eyes to the person you have become and continue to grow into... and i gotta say... you kinda rock, dude.

on those hard hikes up, when we could chat, we chatted about random stuff, about life, the rest of your PHD, life ahead... and never once did you approach it from a fearful, nervous place... you were open to whatever life was going to give you. ready to move on, to take life by the horns, and to enjoy it all. this is, by far, my favorite thing about you. your ability enjoy life. to see the bigger picture. to approach life with such an amazingly calm outlook and to do it with such a caring, giving heart. i remember when ge and i used to tease you all the time about the little girls around the neighborhood who would literally love to whine your name... KEEEENNNNNNYYYYYYY. in that flirtatious, annoying way. KEEEENNNNNYYYYYY. it was the way they liked to call you because i suppose they had a crush on you and whining your name would help get your attention?!? huh? i don't know, but it continues to this day. valerini told me your students do it and i think i may have heard it a couple of times on the trail... keeeeeennnnnyyyyyyy. maybe it was just nargus being funny, but the sentiment is still there. people like to be around you. it makes them happy.

and i gotta say, doing this tough trail with you, that historically, is a spiritual one for the inca's was one long trail of happiness for me. it reminded me of how much we have to work to get to where we are... with hiccups on the trail and moody weather patterns to shake things up... but along the way, if you have a smiling face to encourage and cheer you on, life is that much sweeter. we watched in awe as the porters would run passed us with the entire kitchen on their backs or tents or bags and we would thank them for their hard work... and they would smile their sincere, open smile back at us... with a kitchen tied to their backs... in the rain! then we would look at each other, shake our heads in disbelief... of their ability to work hard. to believe in their work. to embrace it. to enjoy it.

then it hit me.

i saw all these same wonderful traits that i admired about the porters reflected back at me from your face. and it made me proud of you. so very proud. because you see, when i travel, i might go alone, but i can never do it alone. it takes the help of so many others to get me from one place to the next that it amazes even me that i have somehow managed to arrive in one piece. and so, in seeing and knowing that you help people in such an open, giving way... it makes walking into the unknown world that much easier for me. because people like you exist. and they do.

so, for the rest of our lives, when i look at the manchu piccu pictures and get all crazy choked up, you'll know why. this was the trip that i got to celebrate you on... the one thing i took from all the history oscar told us about manchu piccu was that the city was built on the top of the mountain because the inca's wanted to be closer to god. the closer they were to the sky, the closer they were to the heavens, and hence, to god. i look at our pictures, i remember all the poignant, funny, crappy, and profound moments we had trekking, and i think... this trail brought me closer to you. my baby brother. and i smile.

******

so with that giant mushball letter, i end my south america travel blog... thanks to everyone who read it, commented on it, wrote me back, enjoyed it.... i can't stress enough how much traveling makes me so grateful for the people in my life. thank you. un beso grande para todo**

more info to come soon on where my adventures lead me next.... in the meantime, i'm going to continue posting my east coast adventures here... so stay tuned.

you know you wanna....